Abundant nonsense...
Current mood: weird

WARNING: This entry is random, incoherent and inconclusive.

8 to 5, work.
5 to 5:30, existential crisis.

Long lights, kissing bumpers, livid drivers, murmuring air conditioner, drifting vision, peaceful seclusion.

Exhausted, I escape into my haven of comfort, Starbucks. This enriched environment enchants me with a refreshing escape from my estrogen infested workplace. Random conversation in the background nurtures my drained consciousness. My paradoxical state is silenced by noise and moved by stillness.

My story is one of cautious abandonment, of dry, bitter analyzes. Incompetence is my middle name, and fear my master. I am paralyzed by time and habit. I stand on the shore of life, while tender waves gradually bury my feet into the sand of my decision.

There is something inside of me, a vulnerability that surpasses simple emotion. A blinding awareness that impairs my vision. Everything I see is blurry, moving around me. I am still, sitting slightly outside of my body, exposing the deepest of my fears for all to see. But, I am alone, invisible. People pass. I remain unchanged, unmoved.

The sky, my faithful companion, charms me with the gentle dance of clouds, a delicate distraction of soothing motion. My heart soars into the depths of its arms, while my lips taste the warmth of a fresh cup of Zen tea. My soul brims with dissatisfied contentment as I contemplate the surrounding beauty that exceeds the monotony of life.

Currently listening: The Lion King (1997 Original Broadway Cast) By Elton John Release date: By 14 November, 1997

Lessons learned this week:

1. Don’t get hooked on “Lost.”
Nightmares of being stranded on a possessed island are inevitable.

2. Don’t bother interviewing at a “MUST” company.
Setting: a privately owned business in a small office.
“How much did you pay for your college education?,” asked Mrs. Morgan. “Thousands of dollars, right?”
“Yeah.”
“How much did that prepare you for a career?”
“Um… It prepared me personally and academically.”
“No! How much did it prepare you for THIS job?”
“Um…”
“That’s right! It didn’t! The way I look at it, you should be paying me. Why should I have to pay you when I have to train you before you’re good for anything?”
Blank stare.
“I am a MUST company.”
Blank stare.
“Morgan University of Systematic Training.”
Blank stare.
“If you’re interested, I would like for you to interview with my husband.”
Pause. “How much would that cost?”

3. Never get a makeover from a lady who has a grill
And, I don’t mean the George Foreman kind.

 

Currently Reading Les Miserables By Victor Hugo, Jim Reimann see related

From my despairing heart to charm...

Graduating, to me, has been an experience of becoming completely vulnerable. Job hunting is the ultimate feeling of being at others' mercy.  

It's strange.  I think back of when I was in the Echo office, pulling an all nighter and being stressed out of my mind.  I remember feeling that I wasn't going to make it through another week, but at the same time, I felt overwhelmingly thankful.  I knew that the stress was a result of responsibility, and responsibility is a privilege. 

School has been out for only a week, and what I miss most is responsibility.  I miss schedules, structure and deadlines.  What used to control me is now in my control.  I define my schedule, structure and deadlines.  This experience has left me in more appreciation of rules as a means for true freedom.  I have so much freedom now that I am bound by infinity, bound by possibility.   

Although life is now strange and slightly lonely, it has made me appreciate the little things in life more. I cherish every interpersonal interaction that I have - whether it be with my brother or the baristas at Starbucks. Tea is even more delicious after graduating. Now, I can pause, breathe, taste, feel, and listen.  My mind is clear.  My heart is quiet.  My soul is open.

SNU was such a rich environment that it was nearly impossible to fully appreciate every aspect of its quality.  Memories have allowed me to cherish what was and dream of what is to be.

So, I know that this time, job hunting, has a wonderful purpose in my life.  It's not a means to an end but rather a meaningful experience in and of itself.

Currently listening: Poses [Bonus Track] By Rufus Wainwright Release date: By 05 February, 2002

Currently Reading Captivating : Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul By John Eldredge, Stasi Eldredge see related

Aunt Julia Roberts, Monday and more...

Current mood: awake

Holidays are good for two reasons: family and procrastination.

16 months old with soft blonde curls and an ornery smile, Baby Sarah is slowly taking over the world, one word at a time.  I don't get it.  She can say, "funky monkey" but can't say "Kayla."  That's okay though.  There is nothing as heart stopping as seeing this little bundle of joy cry out "La La" with a big smile when she sees me.  At least I finally got a nickname!  For some reason, Ginger, Red, "K" and Hottie never stuck.

I have no clue as to why people think that I look like a celebrity.  I've been told that I resemble Lindsay Lohan, Julianne Moore, Kate Winslet, and even Nicole Kidman!  What?!  I don't see it.  Anyway, Jeanne (my sister-in-law) told me that there was a magazine with Julia Roberts on the cover, and Baby Sarah pointed at it and said, "La La?"  There's another one for the list  .

I have just come to the rude realization that Monday is only 10 hours away.  All I want to do right now is stop by Starbucks and get a Zen tea and hold my niece again.  But sadly, I must write two papers and figure out my finance homework.